Networking for Authors (and Everyone Else Too)
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Let’s go network!
If this suggestion makes you feel queasy, not to worry. You’re not alone. I worked in the corporate world for a decade, and a certain boss would tell me to network when we did offsite events.
Me: “Okay, but how do I network? What do I do?”
The boss: “You just talk to people.”
😑 Suffice to say, this boss was less than helpful. And I never learned how to “network” during that entire ten years in the corporate world. I didn’t learn until I was by myself and doing author events. And once I did, it clicked shockingly easy.
Networking is just making friends, but using your job as a foundation.
Um, sure, Dana. That’s great and all, but like you said, how??? Don’t worry, I’m not gonna be like that boss. I’m gonna give you some concrete conversation starters, as well as some tips for things not to do.
(c) Hasbro
Full disclosure: I know I have a bit of an advantage in this area. Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony is my spirit animal, but you don’t have to be a happy-go-lucky, ermahgerd-because-I-lurve-people!, let’s-be-friends-immediately personality to do this.
Networking Is Not… ~ I think it’s important to start with (what I consider) the no-no’s because you only get one chance to make a first impression.
Networking is not going up to someone and saying, “Lemme tell you about how great I am.” Networking is an exchange. Just like with a friendship, there’s give and take. So if you go up to someone and start talking at them about you-you-you, you-you-you are going to make yourself unpopular really fast.
Likewise, networking is not monopolizing someone’s time. I understand that we as writers are excited about our book babies, but you know that old trope about how proud parents/grandparents force unsuspecting victims to look at a bajillion pictures of their children/grandchildren? Yeah, that’s what can happen when we talk about our books. I’ve legit had people come up to my table at a cons and talk at me for five or ten minutes straight about the book they wrote with no other conversation. Did the person you’re talking to ask you to tell them about your book? If not, I recommend really thinking hard before launching into an unsolicited description. Again, I get that we as authors are excited, but you gotta temper that impulse. Think about where you are, the purpose of this event. Remember, we’re talking networking. Even when I’m selling at a table, though, I’ll often ask people if they mind if I tell them about my books. Always think about the impression you’re leaving people with, and the last impression I want to leave someone with is that I was one of those pushy, annoying people.
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Hear me: It really, truly is awesome you wrote a book, and you definitely should be proud, buuuuut…
You gotta respect people’s time.
I can’t stress this enough. I’ve mentioned networking being an exchange and I’ve mentioned twice the idea of people talking at other people. I see it way, way too often both at shows and in everyday life, and it’s often the person behind a table who’s trying to run their business that has to grin and bear this experience. Here’s the thing, the person behind the table that you’re just talk-talk-talking at probably knows a thing or two about customer service, that being nice to you even when you’re talking at them at length about the thing you’re really excited about might end up in a sale for them. But you’re not earning anyone’s respect by doing this. And here’s where an important distinction comes into play.
Networking is not selling. Nope. Not at all. A lot of people get this wrong. The point of networking is to make connections. You might end up making sales through those connections later, which would be great, but when networking, you’re just trying to get to know people and help them to get to know you. Notice, again, that goes both ways.
And be aware, even when you’re a vendor at a show, you also have lots of opportunities to network. It’s never about shoving your product, whatever it is that you sell, down people’s throats. It’s about making those connections, which will hopefully pay off bigger dividends than just a sale later on.
And finally, networking is definitely not talking crap about other people. The author world is really small. Heck, most communities are small, whether it’s IT, the young professionals in your area, the local knitting clubs, whatever. People talk, and you never know who might be listening. And you really don’t want to gain yourself a reputation for being that person who bad-mouths other people. Just don’t do it. And if anyone ever starts talking crap about someone else to me at an event, I don’t respond and change the subject ASAP.
Okay, so now that we’ve talked about what not to do, let’s get into those things that will help you network effectively.
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The Introduction ~ Let’s address one of the most painful parts of this process—starting a conversation with a complete stranger. We all hope for the easy transitions, like if you’re sat at a table for lunch with a bunch of strangers. There, you can always comment on the food or your state of being (“I’m so excited about food!”) or whatever. But what if you’re in that nightmare situation where it’s just a room of people standing around? Who ever thought this was a good idea?! Honestly! But there you are nonetheless. For me, I prefer to jump right in, but you don’t exactly want to just insert yourself in a conversation already going. I prefer to subtly slide into conversations already going, but we’ll get into that in a sec. Firstly, if there’s some kind of food or drink line, I’ll get in it, even if I’m just getting water to sip on. Going through a queue kind of levels the field. I might say to the person next to me, “Hi, I’m Dana.” Like, I said, I like to just jump in. Again, you can comment on the food or whatever’s there, but that’s not always an option. You know what’s always there for you, though?
The weather.
I know it’s trite, but we all do it. So I recommend finding a sort of open spot near who you’ve decided to try and talk to. Feel free to even ask, “Is it okay if I take this spot?” That can be a conversation opener too. Honestly, most people are nice. Most people aren’t looking to shun you. And if there are any Mean Girls types there who want to say, “You can’t sit with us,” then you don’t need to waste your time on them anyway. Then, after you’ve opened dialogue with your comments on the weather or what have you, you need to take the plunge. Introduce yourself. Again, it can be as simple as saying, “Hello, my name is…”
Here’s a secret: lots of people hate this part and are looking for someone else to make the first move. So just go for it. The people around you might even be grateful you did.
Ask Questions ~ Hooray! You’ve introduced yourself. Eek! Now what??? Questions are the easiest way to get a conversation with a complete stranger rolling. Trade questions are the easiest. For us writers, there’s always, “So what genre do you write?” If you produce something, whether it’s books or clothing or widgets, you can always ask something like, “How many books/designs/taxidermied animals have you created?” Is this networking event one of those mixed bag types of things where it’s a bunch of [enter demographic group here] professionals? Then start with, “So what do you do?”. And you can always follow it up with, “How long have you been doing [enter activity here]?” or “What’s your favorite part of the process and why?”
If the event is specific to your industry, you can also ask questions about industry-specific things. “What program do you use for [enter industry-specific task here]?” And this is where (IMHO) networking becomes really fun. You can even come with questions prepared for stuff you’ve been struggling with and/or trying to learn. “What’s do you find to be your most successful advertising method?”, “How/Where do you advertise online?”, and “Do you know how to get around XYZ issue with ABC program?”
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Again, though, you gotta respect people’s time. So if you stumble across an expert in something you want to learn, don’t just pepper them with a million questions and monopolize their time. If you realize you’d like to pick this person’s brain in-depth, ask them if they’d be willing to sit down and discuss that thing with you. And I personally think you should always offer to at least buy them a coffee/drink. Their expertise is valuable, and the least you can do is buy them a beverage to say thank you. I am also a firm believer in setting a time right away. You don’t know what’s going to happen “later”. Later in this case being the ephemeral time somewhere in the future that may never actually come because, let’s be honest, we get busy. So if you’re really serious about wanting to meet with them, set a time and place with them right then and there. Then, once your meeting is set, don’t ask them any more questions about that subject. Write down your questions and save them for your meeting—did I mention you should definitely prepare ahead of time for this meeting, because you should so you can be respectful of the other person’s time—which leads me to my next tip.
Know When to Walk Away ~ This also falls under respecting people’s time. Try to always be aware of people’s body language and read the signals. Again, if you’ve come up to someone at their table, it’s a bit like a hostage situation. They’re trying to make a good impression, but they’re also trying to do business, which means talking to lots of different people. And you would do well to talk to lots of different people too, to find out what knowledge someone else has to share. Or maybe you have knowledge that would help someone else. Again, there has to be an exchange—it’s not just about what you can get from people.
So what are some signals that maybe it’s time to walk away? Well, if the person you’ve been talking to was initiating questions before and now they’re not, leaving the conversation continuance on you, that might be a sign they’re over talking to you. If other people come around and some chatter starts up between them and the person you’ve been chatting with, let your conversation partner go^. And don’t worry about walking away awkwardly, because you shouldn’t do that. Take a moment to thank that person for talking with you and maybe even shake that person’s hand. Show gratitude for that person taking time with you; it’s just polite. Once again, think about the impression of you you’re leaving someone with. Oh, and feel free to ask so-and-so if they have a card. That’s par for the course at these sort of events.
^Please understand, I get how lonely these sorts of events can make you feel, especially when it’s just you, feeling awkward. It’s natural to want to cling to someone once you’ve made a connection. It’s natural to want to lean on any port in a storm of feeling out of place and uncomfortable, but you have to respect that other people have goals too, and those other people’s goals might very well not include hanging with you for very long.
Rinse and Repeat ~ Once you’ve thanked someone for spending time with you, the same process (and, TBH, conversations) will repeat. You’ll introduce yourself to more people, and hopefully it’ll get easier with practice^^. Just remember to be polite, be aware of body language, and don’t be pushy^^^. Remember how I mentioned getting so-and-so’s business card? If you feel like you’ve taken up enough of their time and they can’t set up a separate meeting with you (or maybe you aren’t comfortable setting up one with them), then contact them later via the information on their card. And I’ve got a whole (short) lesson on doing that below.
^^I’m all too familiar with the second-guessing, insecurity monster that likes to chomp on our brains. Mine shows up at a certain time of the month and goes to town for a couple of days. It’s like having an out of body experience wherein I can see myself second-guessing myself. And I tell myself, “Stop it. You don’t need to be so paranoid. That person probably didn’t even notice the thing you’re obsessing over.” But, of course, that doesn’t help, and I just watch the monster keep gnawing on my brain.
^^^ Personal opinion here regarding being pushy. Let’s talk about auto-handing everyone in the room a card. I know some people like to do this, but I don’t like it when people are that pushy with me. If I want your card, I will ask for it. I have my contact information on a bookmark, which I offer to people because bookmarks are useful, so that’s something to consider. But, as always, read the situation. This happened at a panel I was on once, wherein one person on the panel went around the whole room and handed their card to every member of the audience. The move was, shall we say, not well received by the other panelists.
A Quick Note on Email Follow-Ups ~ Writing a follow-up email is very simple if you follow Inigo Montoya’s (from The Princess Bride) structure. Yes, I am 100% serious. Do this. It will make your life so much easier.
“Hello. My name is Dana Fraedrich. We met at a horrific networking event last Saturday. I had some follow-up questions regarding our discussion of XYZ. Would it be alright if I sent those to you to get your insight? Thank you very much and have a lovely week, Dana Fraedrich”
And that’s it. If they respond and say yes, great! If they don’t respond, well, that’s unfortunate but you tried. Again, because I think it’s better not to be pushy (think about the impression of you you’re leaving someone with—do I sound like a broken record yet?), I don’t really like the idea of sending a follow-up email to this one. That person doesn’t owe you anything, so don’t badger them.
The fact is, networking is hard work. It’s mental and emotional energy, and for some, it takes a lot of both. Just take it little by little, though. If you need to take a ten-minute break, step out and do that, but be sure to get back in there once you’ve collected yourself.
Do you have any tips for networking? Share them in the comments below.
Thanks for reading!
Next Time’s Entry: The Importance of Having a Newsletter.
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